Bilang wang-wang

March has just ended, which means it's evaluation season again at work.

Every 6 months, nagsasagot kami ng form kung saan hinuhusgahan namin ang aming mga sarili kung nagtrabaho ba kami nang mahusay nitong nagdaang half. For most of us, isa ito sa mga very awkward tasks na dapat gawin, what with all the "I did this. I was great. Give me a raise."

Katatapos ko lang magsagot ng sariling evaluation, at tuwing ginagawa ko yon, muling ipinapaalala sa akin kung nasaan na ako ngayon.

You see, very recently, I've been promoted to supervisor, and by very recently, I mean last year lol.

I'm still not used to it, really. Being called a supervisor. "Sup, pa-approve ng leave." Okay sige bilhan mo muna ako ng Starbucks. Charles.

Kapag mag-isa ako, at hindi ako nag-aalala tungkol sa trabaho (lagi akong nag-aalala tungkol sa trabaho), naiisip ko na shet ang swerte ko. Because I love what I do. I love what WE do.

I handle the team that provides creative services to the company. Photos, videos, posters, infographics. The artsy stuff. We get paid to be creative. Ang swerte lang talaga.

Swerte dahil wala namang nakaisip kahit isa sa amin na mapupunta kami sa team namin ngayon. Iba-iba ang job description namin when we got hired. What we knew about design were mostly self-taught. We just loved creating. Nagkataon lang na nagkaroon ng need for creatives and we were with the company at the right time. So they plucked us and formed a team.

We were given everything we needed. Lights. Camera. Editing PC. Creative suite. It felt like Christmas.

And so we played with our toys. Some took shots with the camera. Some tested the lapel mics. Some had fun with Adobe Illustrator. I gravitated towards the clapper. Hahaha!

Without really talking about it, we already had roles. We became a production team.

I handled the logistics, tagahanap ng venue, tagakausap ng talents, taga-budget ng pera, at iba pang mga administrative duties na masakit sa ulo at ayaw nilang gawin.

Pero kahit na team kami, we still had individual projects. May kanya-kanya kaming pinagkakaabalahang infoposter o motion graphics o photo shoot. At dahil nga self-taught lang kami eh iba-iba kami ng style, ng creative process, and yes, ng output quality.

Alam kong hindi ako ang pinakamagaling sa team namin, at hindi ako nahihiyang aminin yon. Kapag nagagandahan o nagagalingan ako sa gawa nila, sinasabi ko lang sa kanila na "hmp, kaya ko rin yan eh," na sasagutin naman nila ng "oo naman" in a very patronizing way. Those rascals.

I mean, oo, hindi ako ang pinakamagaling, but that is not to say na hindi ako magaling. I had my moments of success, too. At ngayon na supervisor na ako, nakikita ko naman na nagtitiwala sila sa kakayahan kong magbigay ng feedback, o ng suggestion kung kailangan. At very thankful ako doon. Swear. Hindi ito Charmander. God knows how toxic it gets when someone questions your competence.

I try my best to keep up. Actually, totoo naman na kaya ko talaga yung ginagawa nila, siguro kung three times longer lang ang deadline, tapos turuan muna nila ako haha. Charlene.

I still take on requests from time to time. Hangga't maaari, gusto kong masubukan lahat ng ginagawa nila, which means kailangan ko silang kala-kalabitin sa gitna ng pag-eedit nila ng training video para turuan (ulit) akong mag-masking sa After Effects. Minsan nakakarinig ako ng "ugh" pero hindi ko sure baka sa isip ko lang yon. Baka nga sa isip ko lang yon.

But it's fine. It's cool. I take comfort in what a superior once told me, na ang role naman ng supervisor ay hindi patunayan na ikaw ang pinakamagaling. Ang trabaho mo ay i-maximize ang potential nila. Hawiin ang daan para kanila.

And that last sentence stuck with me. Hawiin ang daan para sa kanila.

How very poetic. Ako ang hahawi ng daan para kanila. So ako ang wang-wang nila. Charlotte.

Pero sa panahong nagsasagot ako ng self-assessment, hindi sapat na sabihing "hinawi ko ang daan para sa kanila." That's cute and all pero anong ibig sabihin non. Doon ako minsan nagkakaroon ng difficulty, dahil kapag sinabi kong "I was there when they needed me," baka hanapan ako ng example. Pero may hiya sa akin na sabihing "sabi ko, bawasan ng 2 seconds yung intro para hindi nakakainip" dahil baka ang babaw non, especially during evaluation season, kung kailan parang ine-expect na magsabi ng something special o outstanding o trailblazing. Because we only get to do this every 6 months.

Pero sa totoo lang, yung pagsagot ng self-assessment ay maliit na bagay lang compared to the real challenge as a supervisor—evaluating your team members.

Yun naman ang haharapin ko ngayon.